Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
