Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
