your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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