I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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