i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dicks are not precious.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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