would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Text me some of your sweat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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