just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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