i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
