i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
