It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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