White coat. Heels.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
