Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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