That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
