I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
