he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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