I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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