So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
