I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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