I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
