Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
