I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
