He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
