u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
