FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
