who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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