Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
