WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
