I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
