do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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