Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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