im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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