Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
