Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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