One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
