god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
