I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My vagina is officially offended.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
