We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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