she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
