Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
