Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
