I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
