Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
