I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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