if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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