and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
