we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
