Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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