well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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