she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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