i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
