i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
