Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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